I came up with a post topic! (Stave off the tears, I'll keep it brief.)
I want to address, just shortly, the problem I have with certain kinds of articles and/or ads that I have been seeing a lot of on the internet lately.
I'm sure you've been exposed to it too: you go to your Yahoo! home page and the first article that catches your eye is something with a headline akin to, "Top Ten Ways Women Turn Off Guys" or "Ten Things You Want to Avoid Doing In a Relationship". I could give you endless variations, but the gist is the same. There are a million different articles out there trying to tell women what we're doing wrong in relationships, why guys dump us, or don't want to be with us, all the ways we're turning them off and scaring them off and basically just screwing ourselves over.
I find it a little bit offensive, and more than a little bit sad, especially considering the fact that I know there are women out there who read these articles, and more than that, believe the things they tell them.
I know when I was young and desperate, I used to fall prey to that sort of thing. I'd click some article, certain it was going to give me all the secrets to why that relationship didn't work out the way I wanted, why that guy dumped me, what I was doing wrong. Each article gives different, often contradictory advice: you're coming on too strong, you're not coming on strong enough, you don't pay enough attention to him, you give him too much of your attention, you need to be less needy, you need to act like you need him more...the list goes on and on and on. I've read some that have said women are too family-oriented, they are not good enough "home-makers", they spend too much time with their friends, they nag, they don't communicate, they're possessive, they don't attempt (enough) to be attractive, and they are even too religious. All these things and more seem to be the reason that us girls are getting the shaft left and right these days.
Honestly, I think it's all a load of crap. Almost every one of these articles I've read, whether coming straight out and saying it or doing so in a more roundabout manner, encourages "mind games". They don't want you to be yourself or let the guy you're interested in know what you're really thinking. They want you to play "hard to get" but not too hard to get: they want you to hide all your quirks and craziness and shave your legs every single day. Act like you want kids and a family someday, because if you don't he's going to think you're a cold, heartless vixen with whom he could never settle down, but don't talk about the family or a future too soon or he'll go running for the hills.
Basically, suppress everything about yourself, and you should be fine.
It's disturbing to me, it really is, that women feel they have to play these games to lure a man in and finally get him to marry her. I'm not down with that guys. I don't believe in playing games like I did when I was younger. Those games, they always left me just as alone and empty as before.
Basically, I think 18-year-old comedian Shelby Fero* might have said it best in a brilliant little blog post entitled: Go ahead and look desperate.
Obviously this is not me trying to tell you to run up to the guy you have a crush on and tell him you want to marry him. I don't think that'd really be very advisable.
But stop playing games, Girls. And stop wondering what's wrong with you, when guys don't call you back, or ask you for a second date, or break up with you when you thought it was going splendidly. It's not you. It just didn't work out this time, and that's okay. Let's face it: the majority of your relationships won't. You only really need one that will. So please, stop reading these articles and basing your behavior off the things these idiots have to tell you. If you have to win your guy through games and mindplay, is he really the man you want to be married to for the rest of your life?
Maybe I don't really know what I'm talking about, maybe I'll be single forever, never married, never even engaged, but you know what? That's okay with me. I think I'm secure enough in myself to know that it's okay to just be myself with a guy and if he's worth my time, if he actually matters, he'll stick around anyway.
That's just what I think about it.
*If you haven't checked out Shelby Fero yet, do it. Now. Go. Do it. Look through her tumblr archives, look her up on Twitter, read her articles on Cracked.com...(I'm pretty sure she's written for other places too, but I'll let her do her own further promoting...) Just check her out. You won't regret it.
**I realize at the top I said I'd keep it brief. Well I didn't really. But if you're reading this, then I guess you plowed on through anyway. Thanks for that.
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